The World Within You

Poarta

Incepandu-mi calatoria spre lumea interioara , ma trezesc in fata unor porti ce isi spala pietrele pretioase in lumina arzatoare a soarelui de dincolo de ele . Sentimentul de pustietate ma cuprinde , observand portile abandonate . Imprevizibilul isi face loc in gandurile-mi incovoiate , distrugandu-mi orice semn de intrebare . Intru , incet dar sigur , deschid portile vaste . Dincolo , ma asteapta un drum ingust pe care se strecoara vantul ce adie a trandafiri .
Sanctuarul stelelor

Urmarind drumul , ajung la o cladire bine-cladita peste care isi facea simtita prezenta un planetariu urias . Usa aurie a cladirii se deschide . Inauntru , o miniatura a cerului in timpul noptii se intinde pe tot tavanul , stralucing in frumusetea-i eterna peste biblioteca nemarginita . La masa de la intrare , lua loc o copila .
-Ce e locul acesta , copila ?
-Este sanctuarul stelelor , oricine ai fi tu .
-Si tu cine esti ?
-Eu sunt inspiratia , intelectul si constiinta . Acest loc este sursa mea de putere , l-am construit piesa cu piesa . Eu sunt ceea ce face ca aceasta lume sa aiba un sens si un tel .
Surprins de spusele copilei , ma retrag usor si explorez locul cateva minute . In mijlocul bibliotecii se afla o piatra stralucinda de culoare violet , pe care era inscris "Dormitare" .

Orasul Daficio

Retragandu-ma din Sanctuar , continui sa urmaresc drumul ingust , ajung la zidurile unui oras linistit . Imi fac drum inauntru , dar nimeni nu era acolo . Locul pustiu imi trezea fiori pe sira spinarii . Urmarind indicatiile scrise pe casele ce erau cladite in mod ciudat , ajung la sala tronului . Acolo , isi facea veacul o femeie inalta si supla , fara a afisa nici un fel de sentiment pe chipu-i frumos .
-Scuzati-mi intrarea neanuntata...
-Oricine intra neanuntat aici .
-Am speranta ca nu as fi prea nepoliticos daca intreb cine sunteti ?
-Ma numesc Argatha , sunt cea ce conduce aceasta lume , sunt controlul de sine si furia . spune regina ridicandu-si toiagul in varful caruia se afla o piatra asemanatoare cu cea din Sanctuarul Stelelor , doar ca albul pietrei stralucea sfidator in ochii mei . Nu esti binevenit in acest loc , iti cer sa pleci .
-Voi pleca daca asta imi ceri .

Oaza de papadii

Iesind pe portile orasului pustiit , ma aflu pe o campie vasta , cu un vant ce aducea mici lucruri albe care insinuau puritate . Decid sa traversez campia si sa ajung in padurea ce se vedea in departarea sumbra . Facandu-mi loc printre iarba ce imi mangaia palmele , descopar o oaza . Nu orice oaza ,ci un loc presurat cu papadii . O sumedenie . Dintre ele isi faci loc o fiinta inocenta , o pisica neagra cu ochii sticlind albastri . Se face comfortabila in mainile mele si apoi schiopateaza spre ceva . O urmaresc si ma duce la o a treia piatra . Aceasta stralucea mai grandios ca celelalte pe care le-am descoperit pana acum . Era de un rosu aprins si deasupra ei era o plancarda pe care scria "Dragoste " . Decid sa-mi continui drumul si las mica fiinta sa toarca satisfacuta langa piatra .

Codrul memoriilor

Parasind oaza de papadii , ajung in scurt timp in padurea sumbra in care doream cu atata ardoare sa intru . Pasind inauntru , aflu ca lumina soarelui nu isi facea timp si pentru acel loc . Era intuneric si racoare . O hoarda de lucurici isi fac simtita prezenta in jurul meu , facandu-ma mai confuz decat eram deja . Urmez cararea ce ducea cine stie unde , incercand sa ignor toate persoanele ce apareau si dispareau in fata mea . Cine erau ? Ce anume doreau ? In mijlocul padurii , se putea vedea un turn negru ce statea sa cada . Trecand in fuga , observ si piatra violet ce apartinea acelui loc , cu un barbat caruia nu-i puteam distinge fata ascunsa in spatele robei privind stralucirea-i palpaitoare fix .

Turnul lui Astrain
Panica . Frica . Asta imi inspira acel loc . In final , cararea ma aduce la turnul ce sfida inaltimea copacilor . Intru pe usa ce scartaia sfasietor si urc scarile . Bezna friguroasa imi trezea fiori pe sira spinarii . In sfarsit , ajung in varf . Intru incet pe usa ce statea sa cada .
-Ce cauti aici intrusule ? ma intreaba o fiinta ce statea in capatul camerei pe un tron facut din oase .
-Imi satisfac curiozitatea .
-Esti un prost . Cum ai crezut ca vei scapa de aici neatins ?
-Spune-mi cine esti .
-Sunt Astrain , sunt maleficul si sadismul , sunt satisfactia ciudatului si perversitatea .
Chipul satisfacut al creaturii ma speria . Piatra neagra ce statea pe varful spatarului tronului incepu sa palpaie ca o inima ce tocmai si-a inceput bataile .
-Acum ca esti aici , imi voi satisface nevoile . spuse Astrain
Ce mai era de vazut ?...

Lux Aeterna

Vino pe dealul unde cornul a sunat
Unde stau fara vlaga intins
Pe piatra inghetata si imi astept sfarsitul
Vino si bea-mi sangele ce curge sovaielnic
Din pieptul meu ce zburda necontenit .

Strange-mi cioburile de la picioarele tale
Si ia-mi mana , condu-ma
Du-ma in padurea in care ne vom gasi eternitatea
Eternitatea tipatoare dupa care tanjim .

Ne asteapta totul
Intr-o camara izolata
De orice altceva decat suntem noi
De orice altceva ce putem strivi .

Asteptam Soarele omniscient
Sa ne lumineze calea batatorita
De intunericul ce si-a infipt ghearele
In corpurile noastre mici si neinsemnate .

Si totusi ...

Stau aici , cu creierul atipind ca dupa o supradoza de morfina , plin de ganduri care vin si pleaca luate de vant . Ganduri care se intrec unele pe altele in capul meu futut de prea multe vieti . Respir adanc si imi spun ca ar trebui sa-mi asez filmul de aici de sus si sa-mi distrug grijile , pentru ca , ce naiba , doar zarurile pot fi aruncate din nou . Hai , sculpteaza-ma o data , aceste mici zgarieturi in roca dura din care sunt facut sunt un inceput sec . Distruge-mi mintea si ia-ma in Edenul de pe lumea aceasta , bratele imi sunt deschise .

-Raziel

Personality disorder test

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

The puppet mistress

The Puppet Mistress
Once upon a time , there was a small ragged puppet , who had the gift of life , given from its’ mistress . It thought and felt exactly like a human being .It was also filled with the sorrow and the tears of its’ mistress , oftenly just staying in one dark corner with its’ small head between its’ feet , thinking and thinking and thinking . Who knows what it was thinking , not even its’ mistress could have known what the puppet was thinking about .
One day though , the mistress was passing by the puppet’s dark corner when she heard something . The puppet broke its’ silence for a moment , the mistress being able to distinguish a few words .
-Why ... live ... pain ...?
-What is wrong with you , puppet ? said the mistress mercyless.
-Why did you create me , mistress? said the puppet with its’ eyes almost falling because of the tears .
-I thought that you would be an entertaining companion .
-But why did you have to give me all your sorrow mistress , why did you have to make me live in this torture ? I live in pain and I don’t even know why !
-At least make my life easier and stay in your corner .
-Why do I have to live in all this pain for nothing ?
-That is your problem , small puppet .
And the mistress turned her back . The days started passing again and the puppet was still lying there , in that dark corner , just mumbling . Untill one day , when the mistress had visitors .
She greated her friends into the house politely and got them to the table where they were to have dinner . Suddenly , the puppet got up on it’s feet and headed towards the room’s door . Walking silently , the puppet saw it’s always beautiful mistress taking a seat next to her friends . It studied each of the guests wondering who they were and where did they come from . After it made up it’s mind , the puppet entered the room in a rush , jumping in it’s mistress’s lap .
-What is the meaning of this ?! shouted the angered mistress .
-Oh God , what is that ?! yelled a one of the guests .
-How could that thing speak ?! asked another guest panicking .
-We should go , now ! We will not be staying at the same table with a witch ! yelled a man who was dressing up , preparing to go .
-Wait , you don’t understand ! said the mistress with a low voice .
-We do not need to understand a witch ! Now everyone , let’s go .
Said the same man and all the guests went to the car and left . The mistress was angered and willing to punish the puppet .
-What have you done , puppet ?!
-Please , mistress , I just needed some affection ...
-Affection ?! How could you possibly imagine that you could get affection in that situation , with all my so called friends at the table ?!
-Please ... just take this burden off me !
-That is your burden , puppet . That is how you will always live your life . Now I will punish you proper .
-Please have mercy ...
-You have disgraced me , no mercy .
Hearing these words , the puppet jumped off the mistress’ lap and started running throughout the house , with her chasing it . The puppet found a window and jumped right through it , leaving the house , decided to never come back .
The puppet ran into the nearby forest , which was leading towards a sinister mountain . It started wondering through the forest , climbing up the mountain , crying and leaving a track of violet tears on the way . It’s eyes eventually fell off , leaving the small ragged puppet blind , deciding to just stay in one place , waiting for it’s death . For days it just sitted there , raining over it , being stepped on and thrown from side to side by animals . Death was coming , and the puppet was welcoming it with open arms . Never did it feel so happy and joyful . Suddenly , the mistress’s voice could be heard nearby , low and weakened , crying and shouting for the puppet .
-Where are you my little being ?! the mistress was shouting .
And with it’s last breath , the puppet replyed :
-I am here ... my beloved mistress .
The woman found what she was looking for , the puppet was lying on a rock , torn apart , holding it’s eyes tightly between fingers .
-Why was I so stupid , little puppet ... I’ve thrown you into the hands of death . said the mistress lowly .
She layed down next to the puppet whispering :
-Because of you my life had joy , but now that you’re dead , there is no joy in my life anymore .
While she was whispering , a pack of hungry wolves circled the mistress .
-I will welcome death just as you did , little puppet , thank you .
And by saying that , the wolves jumped on her , tearing her apart . Her corpse was left to rot there , next to the small puppet , never to be found by anyone , enjoying eternity along with the small thing that offered her happiness .

Dialogue with the inner fire

-Who are you ?
-I don't even know who I am anymore . Do you ?
-You are nothing but a tamed beast .
-I don't agree with you . Who are you , anyways ?
-I am your sorrow , I am your grief , I am revenge and I am hatred .
-You have no more power over me .
-Or do I , demi ?
-No , you don't . You are strengthless now .
-I will come back , one day .
-That will not be anytime soon . I made sure that your disturbance won't appear.
-You have done terrible mistakes , Tom . Does it hurt ? Does it rip you appart ?
-It's none of your business . My mistakes are my own , I'll cope with them .
-It's not that easy as I can see , I am part of you now , I am you , I can see what you feel .
-Stop bothering me .
-You'll have me with you your whole life , you know that yourself .
-Let's just say that even if you bother me , you won't do the same thing to her anymore .
-So that's why you did this ?
-Yes , that is why I did this .
-She doesn't deserve my sacrifice .
-No , not in your opinion .
Said Tom , starting to torture the voice the next second .
-Your trap will be broken , Tom . said the voice weakened .
-Not before I die . It is not me who won the fight .
-You should stop rolling the dice . said the voice dissipating .
-At least try to not bother me anymore . You have what to explore in there .
-I can only be disgusted by yourself .
-You know you're not disgusted , you're proud .
-New things to explore don't make me proud .
-That's your problem and my pleasure .

Small words

Humanity . Some say that humans are defined by two grand feelings , love and hatred . Some say that humans are a lot more complex than that , that they hold more mental power than any other forsaken creature on this planet . But let us watch humanity from another prism . Let us see how many events take place at the same time on this earth . Somewhere in this world , a woman is becoming a mother , a 5 year old black boy is being slaughtered , a couple is kissing , a break-up is taking place , 50 people see their death in front of their eyes , a business man looses everything while another human becomes rich , hunger and pandemia kills someone's kids , a girl suicides leaving behind a shattered family , war destroys minds , floods take theyr homes , alright , time to stop . Where am I getting here ? Try imagining yourself in all those situations . Do you really think that love and hatred are the only things that define us ? Have you felt the vortex yet ? If you haven't , either your IQ is too low or your imagination is too low on fuel . You see , he who reads this small article , humanity is beyond love and hatred , it is beyond just two feelings .